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Time and Change
Dec. 16th, 2018 07:20 pmI've saved many of my most important tumblr posts in private archival posts here. Fittingly, most of them have been about my transition and coming out process. This has, as an added benefit, forced me to go back and revisit my updates on this, all the way back to 2011 when I was still in high school and all but entirely closeted.
It's been interesting and a bit disorienting to read about how I saw myself and the world that long ago - it feels like I'm reading the experiences of a different person, and in a lot of ways I am. I had no idea how much I'd change in that time, how much I'd grow and how much more comfortable I'd become with myself. For all tumblr's problems, it definitely had a role to play in helping me become confidently queer and trans. For all the bombardment of toxicity, there has also been a bombardment of validation, even if at times it felt hollow.
At the same time, I'm excited to explore new formats; here (which has been a trip down memory lane), Pillowfort (jury's still out), Twitter/Mastodon. There are things I enjoy about tumblr, but there are also reasons I'm happy its day in the sun is coming to an end. I never felt super comfortable actively blogging somewhere with so little privacy, where people, some very unpleasant, could take my words, posts, and content and remix and add to them endlessly.
I guess the moral of this story is that with years of experience as a trans person and years moving between platforms, I've come to value the idea that it's good to embrace change, however much we can. Nothing is forever, and while there's sadness to that, it also means there will always be new beginnings. I'm interested to see where this new beginning takes us.
It's been interesting and a bit disorienting to read about how I saw myself and the world that long ago - it feels like I'm reading the experiences of a different person, and in a lot of ways I am. I had no idea how much I'd change in that time, how much I'd grow and how much more comfortable I'd become with myself. For all tumblr's problems, it definitely had a role to play in helping me become confidently queer and trans. For all the bombardment of toxicity, there has also been a bombardment of validation, even if at times it felt hollow.
At the same time, I'm excited to explore new formats; here (which has been a trip down memory lane), Pillowfort (jury's still out), Twitter/Mastodon. There are things I enjoy about tumblr, but there are also reasons I'm happy its day in the sun is coming to an end. I never felt super comfortable actively blogging somewhere with so little privacy, where people, some very unpleasant, could take my words, posts, and content and remix and add to them endlessly.
I guess the moral of this story is that with years of experience as a trans person and years moving between platforms, I've come to value the idea that it's good to embrace change, however much we can. Nothing is forever, and while there's sadness to that, it also means there will always be new beginnings. I'm interested to see where this new beginning takes us.
